Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
