I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
