k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
