i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
