He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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