i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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