dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
