Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize