I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
