what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
