my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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