You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
