Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
