In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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