Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
