dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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