Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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