Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
