He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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