what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
