Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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