I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
