woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
