shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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