This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
