You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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