he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
