maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
