so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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