I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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