Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize