So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
