Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
