end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
