Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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