His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
