summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
