So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
you had me at cake vodka
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
