are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
