I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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