chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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