First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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