We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize