I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
