he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
