Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
