Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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