I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
