Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
