Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
