I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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