I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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