Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
