Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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