I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
