The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
