Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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