I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize