So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
