I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
