mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
