Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
