oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
