I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
