he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Randomize
