Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
