My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize