Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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