Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
