3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
