hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
