I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Michael Bay diarrhea
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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