my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
