So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
