it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize