So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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