I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
