Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
