thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
