we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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