I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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