Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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