You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize