I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
