the new term for farting is butt boxing.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
