I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
