Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
