U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
