Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
