if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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