I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
