am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
