he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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